Last week the Department of Veterans Affairs (VA) disclosed that a laptop and disks containing sensitive data had been stolen from the home of an employee of the VA in Montgomery County, Virginia.  The employee, who had taken the computer and disks home in violation of VA rules, has now compromised the financial data of 26.5 million veterans.  News reports indicated that the sensitive data included the Veterans names and social security numbers.  This would effectually, give identity thieves the virtual “keys” to the financial lives of millions of American Veterans and their families.

My purpose today isn’t to focus on the irresponsibility of the employee, the lack of internal security at the VA, the punishment for the employee and supervisors at the VA, or the financial ramifications of the potential identity theft.  All of this will play out in the days and months ahead.

The best hope for the Veterans is that the thieves didn’t know the significance of the data they have stolen.  A CBS report on May 22, 2007 described the May 3, burglary as such:  “A long-time Veterans Affairs analyst told Montgomery County, Md., police someone pried open a window, broke into his home during daylight hours and stole a computer, an external drive, and a bag containing computer files.”

Let’s see.  Assume that somewhere out there is the thief who stole the laptop.  He’s got a bag containing some meaningless computer disks, which don’t excite him whatsoever.  Now, after listening to the news reports, he knows he’s got some information that can be sold to identity thieves for a large sum of money!  He must be muttering, “Thanks, news media!  Yeah, that was me!  May 3rd burglary, laptop, external drive, bag with disks!  I didn’t know I had anything until the media described the date, location, and exact items stolen in the robbery!  Now all I have to do is call 1-800-Identity Thief and I’m a rich man!”

Don’t get me wrong.  It was important to notify Veterans that their information may be at risk.  However, it was incredibly stupid to disclose the exact circumstances of the robbery so that the thieves would be more likely to damage the affected Veterans.

As I think about the millions of Veterans who may have a compromised financial future because of this robbery, I hope that the information released about the location, date, and items stolen is completely false and misleading.  In fact, I hope the government gave out that information as part of a deliberate misinformation campaign in an attempt to reduce the possibility that the thieves would use the data.

It is unfortunate that so many of our loyal Veterans have been inconvenienced.  If there were a group that least deserved this, it would be our Veterans.  If the reports disclosing the date and details of the robbery are accurate, the only group more irresponsible than the employee who took the data home are those in the media that have further compromised the future of our Veterans.  For now, we’ll just have to sit back, cross our fingers, and pray that no damage has been done.

As a long-time resident of the state of Minnesota, I’ve always admired the Twins Baseball organization.  For a small market team, they’ve done quite well, winning the World Series in 1987 and 1991.  The hallmark of the Twins’ organization is a fantastic farm system, which has the uncanny ability to develop quality players such as Johan Santana and Joe Mauer.  The Twins are the essence of baseball efficiency.  They produce better results with less money than practically any major league baseball organization.  If you go back to when they were the Washington Senators and remember that the Senators won the World Series in 1924, the Twins/Senators are 3 for 3 in World Series appearances.  The Twins don’t get to the World Series very often, but when they do, they’re deadly!

Even in this 2006 campaign, in which the team may not make the playoffs, the Twins contend in virtually all of their games.   Furthermore, they’ve got heart and there’s not much cockiness in the clubhouse.  When you’re a Twin, you’ve got to be humble and just play baseball.  After all, Minnesota isn’t exactly the center of the national media circus!

Last August our family bought a second home in Chicago, only four blocks from Wrigley Field.  As a result, I’m a Cubs fan “by investment”, but I refuse to abandon my Twins!  I reconcile my split allegiance by affirming that the Twins are my American League team and the Cubs are my National League club.  Because “The Friendly Confines” of Wrigley Field are so close to the house, it is easy to attend a game when I’m in Chicago.  On weekday home games I’ll often wait until the start of the third inning and walk up the street looking for a ticket from the scalpers.  By then, they’re desperate!  I can usually get in for five bucks!  They say, “Hey, man, this ticket is right behind home plate…it’s worth a lot more than five bucks.”  I respond, “Buddy, the third inning has started, in 5 minutes this ticket might as well be notebook paper!”  It’s always fun dealing with the scalpers in the third inning!

All of my life I’ve heard about how frustrating it is to be a Cubs fan.  You hear about events like the “billy goat curse” when Chicago tavern owner William Sianis brought his pet goat to Wrigley Field for a 1945 World Series game with the Detroit Tigers.  Even though Sianis had a ticket for the goat, the animal was refused admittance because of his bad smell.  Sianis put a curse on the Cubs, who lost the series to the Tigers and haven’t won one since.  You might think that something as ridiculous as a billy goat curse would long have been forgotten by Cubs fans.  Think again; a Bank advertisement currently running at Wrigley Field mentions “The Curse.”

Where the Twins are 3 for 3 in World Series appearances, the Cubs are 2 for 8.  They last won a World Series in 1907 and 1908!  To put this in perspective, Harry Caray, the legendary Cubs announcer, was born and died without seeing the Cubs win a World Series!  Come to think of it, probably millions of Cubs fans were born, lived, and died without seeing the Cubs win the Series.

Last winter we had an unusually mild day in February, which is one of our coldest months.  For Minnesotans a warm day in February is nothing less than a miracle.  Mid-February, bright sun, no wind, and 55 degrees…this is a day to behold!  As I was crossing the street I noticed an acquaintance of mine walking her dog on the sidewalk.  I said to her cheerfully, “Isn’t this great weather?”  She replied, “Well it is good and it is bad.  It is good because it is so pleasant, but it is bad because this weather is a result of Global Warming, which is ruining the environment.”  From deep inside me a voice wanted to say to her, “Doggone it, lady, can’t you just enjoy something for once in your life without seeing the dark side?  You can’t do anything about global warming while you’re walking your dog, so please just “let go” and enjoy the weather!”

I think that sometimes all of us are like that lady.  Getting up and watching the morning news can be depressing to say the least.  Global warming, bird flu, child kidnappings, murders, the Iraq War, hurricanes, earthquakes, child pornography, wild fires, and floods dominate the headlines.  Most mornings by the time my cereal is finished I’m ready to go back to bed and lie in the fetal position for ten days!  Sometimes I avoid television news for a week simply to restore some semblance of psychiatric balance.

I’ve come to the conclusion that there isn’t a lot that I can do about the bad news on television.  Sure, I can try to convince my politicians to support legislation to reduce global warming, to get tougher on sexual predators, or to better contain wild fires, but I am only one person.  Politically I have no clout.  I couldn’t get an appointment with my Congressman if my life depended on it.  Economically I don’t have the resources to make a dent in the world’s problems or to put an end to poverty.  Even those who donate billions of dollars like Bill and Melinda Gates or Ted Turner have only a small influence on the enormous problems facing humanity.

This is not to say that individuals can’t make a difference.  I have been privileged to work with many good people in Rotary International.  We’ve gotten together to build a dam in India and provide wells in several small villages.  We’ve worked with Rotarians in Zimbabwe to dig a well and provide a storage tank in a rural village that badly needed clean water.  I’ll continue working on these projects, mainly because they can make the difference between life and death to those who are in need.  However, I continue on knowing that these works are a drop in the bucket compared to the enormity of human need.
I think all of us have heard the serenity prayer.  Maybe it could be re-written as:  “God grant me the serenity NOT TO WORRY about things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, and the Wisdom to know the difference.”  Because I can make only a limited difference, I resolve not to worry about problems that are beyond my control.  This is easier said than done, but on an intellectual level I’m sure we all realize that there is no rational reason for any of us to dwell on things that we cannot materially influence.
So go ahead and worry about whether or not your teenagers are using drugs or hanging out with the wrong friends.  This is a legitimate worry.  You should be keeping them on a short leash and making them accountable.  This takes effort and persistence on your part, but you are the parent and this is your job.  But for gosh sake, worry about your teenagers, don’t worry about the bird flu.   You have reasonable influence over the former and almost no influence over the latter.  Excessive worry, especially about things over which you have no control, will eventually lead to stress and ill health, ironically limiting your ability to affect the things over which you have some influence.

To conclude, when it’s February in Minnesota and its fifty-five degrees, enjoy the weather!

Ladies, I’m really doing you a favor today.  I’ve got some hints that will make the lives of you and your man much easier.  My credentials:  35 years of marriage.  The topics in Part I of the Male Operation Manual are:  Worries, Multi-Tasking, The “Three Most Dangerous Words”, and Automobiles.

Worries

When I was a kid I thought I had worries, but all I had to concern myself with was getting to school and having a good time.  As an adult my life is a litany of worries and problems.  I’m not concerned with real worries.  For example, if the wheel on the car starts to make a funny noise, I get it checked right away so that I don’t have bigger problems down the line.  What concerns me are POTENTIAL worries.  My wife, God bless her soul, worries about what could happen.  For example, what if the air conditioner breaks when I’m out of town for a week?  How high will the vet bills be if the horse gets sick?  You see, I don’t like dealing with POTENTIAL worries because I have enough REAL worries to keep me busy.  The roof actually leaks and the porch actually needs painting…these things I can deal with, POTENTIAL worries?  Sorry!

Whenever my wife brings up potential worries, I relate the analogy of the “tire rolling down a hill.”  Suppose there is someone at the top of a hill with ten tires.  You are at the bottom of the hill and he is rolling the tires down the hill trying to hit you.  Of course, it is his desire to hit you, but what are his chances?  Tires roll in a haphazard fashion and they never roll straight, so his chances of hitting you with even one tire are remote!  The things we worry about are a lot like tires.  If you don’t concern yourself with them they will probably roll right past you without incident.  But, if you worry excessively about things that “might happen” it will take a big toll on your time and energy.  Sometimes my wife mentions a really ridiculous potential worry.  Then I tell her that in this case the guy at the top of the hill is actually rolling the tires down the other side of the hill!  This doesn’t amuse her.

Male Multi-Tasking

Ladies, we need to mention Male Multi-Tasking so that we can understand that it DOESN’T EXIST!  You see, we males can think of only one thing at a time.  Hear that, ladies?  ONE thing.  Not two, not three!   For example, if I am painting the porch, I am painting the porch…period!  Be happy that I’m painting the porch and stay the heck away from me until I get the porch painted!  Never come up to me while I’m painting the porch and say, “The washing machine is making a strange noise, and the pipe under the sink is leaking, and the garage needs painting.”  Ladies, when you do this it is like putting three consecutive 50-pound anvils on a guy’s shoulders.  Even the mention of these other tasks will demoralize him to the point where he doesn’t even want to continue painting the porch.  Yes, ladies, jobs need to be done, but bring these items up only when he is between tasks…never while he is doing a task.
The “Dangerous Phrase”

In thirty-five years of marriage, there are three words that I’ve grown to loathe.  They goe something like this:  “We need to fix the garbage disposal” or “We need to rake the leaves”.  The three key despicable words are…”We need to….”  Of course, there isn’t any “WE” in this arrangement.  What this really means is, “You need to fix the garbage disposal” or “You need to rake the leaves.”  If there were any “WE” in this proposal, both of us would be working together on these tasks, wouldn’t we?  Ladies, maybe the “WE” is an effort to make us feel part of the “team” or something.  Forget it.  We aren’t part of the “team”, we know we’re not part of the “team”, and we realize that a “team” doesn’t even exist when it comes to these dreary tasks.  Just do both of us a favor and write out a prioritized wish list and leave us alone.

The Automobile

One of my former business partners pointed this out to me a few years ago, so I can’t take any creative points on this one.  It has to do with automobiles.  It seems that when it is time to buy the car or to drive the car, it is HER car.  But when it comes time to change the oil, go to the car wash, change the windshield wipers, or get new tires, it is somehow HIS car.

Serious car problems are another story.  Generally speaking males are more familiar with mechanical things than females.  This is a cultural phenomenon, not one of gender.  But ladies, when you hear strange sounds coming from the car and the engine light goes on, stop the car at once!  Don’t, I repeat, don’t keep driving the car until the pistons seize up “because the gas station was only a couple of miles away.”  Once the pistons seize up, the car is one hundred percent “His!”

One for the Ladies

Ladies, I know that there are times when the guys get away with murder too.  For example, your husband invites a bunch of people over for grilled steaks.  He is, of course, the master chef who will grill the meat.  Of course, for “master chef” to do his work you have to go to the store, buy the steaks, the vegetables, the beverages, and other menu items.  Then, you come home, fix the vegetables, make the dessert, chill the beverages, clean up the kitchen, and set the table.  Then you put the steaks on the platter and give them to “master chef” who has forgotten to start the charcoal on time.  Once the coals are ready, “master chef” puts on the steaks and starts chatting with his buddies.  Then he and the other alpha-males go around the house to look at his new “multi-flex” garden hose.  You look outside and see that the steaks are burning.  You yell at “master chef” who comes running around the house to save his “creation”.  After master chef gets done with the now partially burned steaks, he puts them on a plate and brings them into the house.  You put the steaks on the guest’s plates, bring the food to the table, and refresh the beverages.  Later, while you’re cleaning the kitchen, doing the dishes and putting things away, his buddies congratulate him for “cooking for them”.

Yeah, you learn a lot of things in 35 years of marriage!